Undignified

Sup.


Some stuff has been running through my mind today. I thought I'd write them down before I forget. Yay for you, you get to listen in. 


Alright. So basically, I'm reading through Crazy Love by Francis Chan again. This is the third time going through it, actually. I'm kind of like that with good books; I read them over and over again. It's like that with movies, too. I like to watch good movies repeatedly so I can notice things I missed the previous time. It's adventurous, in a nerdish way. That's right. Don't judge.
Ok, this book. If you're familiar with it, I'm in chapter five: Serving Leftovers to a Holy God. One of the things that Francis pointed out is a quote I've kind of adopted for my life. "It's not what you advertise that counts, it's what you're really made of." The reason that hits home is because growing up in the church, having an ordained pastor as my pops, mom being active in serving.. It's almost as if I'm expected to be perfect! Or at least.. to have everything together. I remember when I got my cartilage pierced for the first time. I had one lady in our church noticed and asked, "Is that the kind of reputation you want to give your parents when people look at your piercings?"
Haha. I couldn't help but secretly chuckle to myself. Don't get me wrong! In no means do I consciously seek to make other believers stumble. But I also am not going to change who I am to meet their standards. God is the one being that I am out to please, the one that I seek to honor and glorify. And in my relationship with Him, I don't find anything wrong with piercings--to an extent. No worries, I do think there are boundaries in everything from this world. We are called to live in the world yet not become apart of it. So yes, there are limits to how far one should go with things such as tats, piercings, even drinking alcohol. But, those things are for another day's blog.
The point that I'm trying to get across is that people who have watched me grow up in a christian home expect me to be mega godly, and.. almost sit and watch with a bag of popcorn for the moment I will mess up. Have you ever experienced that? It can get really discouraging, quite frankly. If I truly am seeking to be authentic, it's a big downer if you expect me to be perfect and I mess up. 


But. I think this standard people have for me leaves me in frustration. And I use that frustration as a crutch, sometimes. A crutch that gives me the excuse to not love those people. Those people, the ones who don't show love in return? Yeah, those are the ones who are almost impossible to love. Actually, I should say that are impossible to love, because for me they are. But for Jesus, heck no. He loves the unloveable. And through Him, Ally can too. 
Getting back to the book, after that awesome quote I wrote above, Francis goes on to write what it is that we're really made of. Here's a portion of the paragraph he writes:


God's definition of what matters is pretty straightforward. He measures our lives by how we love. In our culture, even if a pastor doesn't actually love people, he can still be considered successful as long as he is a gifted speaker, makes his congregation laugh, or prays for "all those poor, suffering people in the world" every Sunday.
But Paul [in the bible] writes that even if "I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing (1 Cor. 13:2-3). 


Francis used a pastor as an example. Of all people, why a pastor? Because they are the ones people look up to, the ones people assume are holy and godly! I mean, duh. I do too. I expect my pastor to be walking with God, growing and not doing things in his power. But I also fail to realize a lot of the time that, hey. My pastor is human, just as I am human. If he doesn't mess up, than he doesn't need Jesus. The bible clearly points out that everyone is in desperate need of Jesus. So that throws being perfect out the window, eh?
However. The fact the people expect pastors to be godly and righteous doesn't give the pastors the excuse to just have the face of  a godly and righteous people. Even the "godly" christians are called to be real too. God doesn't measure us by the amount of bible verses we know, or the amount of time we spend in prayer. He measures us by our actions. Our love.
You know the passage in 1 Corinthians 13, the part that Francis quoted (above)? It's the loooove chapter. One that is kind of overused in the church, I personally think. Even christians throw around the word love (I sure do) and forget the meaning behind it. Like this part of the chapter:
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. (13:4-8)
Have you ever made those verses personal? Like, instead of saying "Love is patient," you exchange the word love for your name. For me that would be Ally is patient and kind. Ally doesn't envy or boast. Ally is not arrogant or rude. Ally doesn't insist on her own way. Ally is not irritable or resentful. Ally doesn't rejoice in wrongdoing, but she rejoices with the truth. Ally bears all things, she believes all things, she hopes all things, she endures all things. Ally never fails.
I like that last part: Ally never fails. Haha. Kidding. But, when we make that passage personal, it takes on an entire new form. These are things that I need to work on if I say I really want to love the unloveable and to heal the brokenhearted. God doesn't play around when he tells us that if we want to follow him, we have to give up ourselves, and following him. To pick up our cross and follow him. To leave our desires, dreams, future plans on the ground, and follow him. To give up everything. Jesus even says to give up loved ones for Him. Is that not kind of ludicrous? 
For me, that means putting aside romance and following Him; that means giving up my reputation with friends to follow Him. And those two things, I honestly would do anything to keep because I really want them! But in Matthew, Jesus said that "anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it" (Matthew 10:38-39). 
Whoever doesn't give up everything to follow Jesus, isn't worthy of Jesus. Wow. Those are some scary words. 


Our job as christians isn't to make sure we're presenting ourselves as perfect to those around us. It isn't just getting by, hiding behind a mask. Being a christian means being authentic before God and before people. It's not caring what people think of us, but striving to live for Jesus' approval and glory. It's loving the unloveable in Jesus' power, not our own. It's constantly hungering for more of Jesus, and less of ourselves. It's taking on the attributes of love, like praying for more patience, praying for more humility, praying for a servant's heart, praying for joy to stem from truth.. Or. Praying for less anger, less envy, less pride. Praying for the gossiping to cease, the searching for peace through "things" needs to be stopped.


We have it in our grasp to change our world. To do crazy and radical things for Jesus. But nothing can happen until we have the mindset that this life we have isn't for our own gratification. Jesus never said life would be simple and easy. He actually pretty much said it'd be the opposite. Yet! It is still supposed to be incredible and still supposed to be adventurous and a blast. 

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."  (John 16:33)


Ally