I don't shut out the noise enough... because I don't hear His voice as clearly as I used to. I'm not confident in God's voice. I know only good things can God bring me, but He can allow the Enemy to bring 'bad' things toward me. I can't figure out what that looks like in my situation right now. I have such a divided heart right now. Not toward the Lord, but toward people. I'm slightly frightened at what God's will could be, because if so, it doesn't match what my heart desires. I know.. my call in life is to surrender and drop everything (emphasis on everything) to follow Christ. But.. if I'm walking with Him in the Light, as I should be, then my will and His will will match up. His heart overcomes my heart; molding it to His own.
There's just so much uncertainty in not only my mind, but my heart right now. I'm so confused at how fickle I am and why I depend so much upon emotions or feelings to govern my decisions. A friend told me yesterday, maybe God's opened a door, and you're just not acceptant of it. Those words keep ringing in my mind as I process what to do. I want God's will so desperately. I mean... the part of me that is completely sold out for Jesus. Honestly, that's all I really want in life. Everything else seems so pointless. But the worldly and fleshly part of me longs for the opposite; to hunger for empty things and crave the desires of my flesh. Why is this constant battle still playing it's course in my life? Why is darkness still trying to overpower light? God's already defeated, the battle is His. So if Satan doesn't have any control in the end, why is he so driven to tempt me, to make me stray from my Daddy's hand? Why does he seek to confuse me and make me doubt, when he has no ability to do so in reality.
Why do I give him room to even attempt to bring destruction in my life?
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of light, who does not change like shifting shadows. (James 1:17)
God never changes. His character is always the same. Even when I am faithless, He always remains faithful--it's impossible for Him to be faithless, it's outside of His character. I suppose if I'm following His footsteps, my heart will be tuned to His.. so why am I trying to convince myself that just because one opinion states something, I must follow what they say. God speaks to Ally in a way Ally will understand. He's not just some arrogant Being sitting up in heaven, laughing at my ignorance. He works with my immortal mind, helping me understand step by step.
I'm sitting here kind of sighing to myself. I've done it again: I've blogged about an issue I've been thinking about, and I work through it in writing until I find the answer. Why am I such a nerd? No, don't answer that. I'm a nerd because... that's the way Jesus decided to give the ones watching my life the ability to enjoy humor.
I'm listening to this song... the words are beautiful. I think I'll end with the lyrics. Thanks for working with me through my thoughts. Again. ;) Goodnight.
'Tis So Sweet arr. Hawk Nelson
'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
Just to take Him at His Word
Just to rest upon His promise
And to know "thus saith the Lord"
Just to rest upon His promise
And to know "thus saith the Lord"
You're the shelter in the storm
You're the dearest friend I know
Oh, Light of the world, carry me home
Oh, for grace to trust Him more
Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him
How I proved Him o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus
Oh, for grace to trust Him more
Yes, 'tis sweet to trust in Jesus
Just from sin and self to cease
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest and joy and peace
You're the shelter in the storm
You're the dearest friend I know
Oh, Light of the world, carry me home
Give me strength to trust You more.
Holding tight to her Abba's hand,
Ally
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