It's definitely too late/early to be writing, but hey. Why not take advantage of my inability to sleep?
Hmm. Let's see what is on the mind of Allyson Willis tonight. Well, I got back from Wisconsin early this evening. T'was a grand trip. Actually, it was grander than I thought it would be. Every time I spend with that bloke, God continues to blow my mind. I was speaking with a friend about this very thing on my way home today. It seems that through my relationship with A-rod...or, as Dad likes to refer to him, just plain and simple "A," I'm discovering more of a different side of God's heart. It's not that I'm figuring out that God has multiple facets of His character, it's more deeper of an understanding of Him. I'm figuring out such odd concepts as what it means to love in action, what it means to place oneself in another's trust, what it means to fully let go of my heart and let it rest within Jesus' grasp. What a fantastic gift. What a frightening one, as well. I can't say that I'm not frightened in the midst of it because, well folks, trusting my heart to another being is frankly scary. But I can say that my fear has become quite minute. God has this way of supplying me with a peace that I can't fully express or explain. And you know, it's a beautiful thing.
To counter the 'fear' of trusting God entirely with this, I can undoubtedly say I am in one of the most joyful times of my life right now. God is blessing my heart with so many individuals and things. Honestly, I should be more grateful for them than I am. It's such a humbling moment when I doubt or question something, and God immediately reassures or answers me. During the day, I have to remind myself that I am actually living this and it isn't some fictional novel. God supplies. < Remember this.
Hmm. So this weekend. Care for me to share? I know I have nothing better to do right now (other than stare at the ceiling in attempts to sleep). Alright, the trip began Thursday late morning right after I got out of class. I will side note the fact that I checked all my fluids and aired up my tires por mi mismo beforehand. There's a first time for everything.
So, the trip up there (roughly seven hours) went by a lot slower than I had hoped it would. I gotsta there, though. I met one of my favorite people there, and he and I soon after went to a New Tribes bible study, "Green Letters." The topic/chapter for the night was "Self." Aye. To sum it up, it basically reiterated the fact that we are worthless apart from Jesus Christ, and that it is through Him that we realize our inadequacies and our need for a remedy. It was ironically exactly what I had been struggling with, perhaps even am still struggling with now. I think God does whatever He can to continuously reside us in need of Him. Fortunately because of grace, God doesn't just show me my need for Him in one area of my life, He shows me area after area that I need to surrender to Him. Painfully, He reveals parts of me that I loathe, both so I realize my fallibility and wretchedness and so I realize how beautiful grace is. When I realize I am a mere nothing apart from Christ, it takes a whole lot of pressure off of me to measure up. I just have to rely on Him and He does the rest. What an opposite perspective from society.
Anyway, after "Green Letters" was over, Aaron and I stayed and chatted for a while with the bible study leaders for a while, then ventured back to the New Tribes neighborhood for a stroll down by the river. It was beautiful. So was the conversation. The rest of the evening was spent with two amazing New Tribe girls. It's such an amazing thing when I find likeminded believers--even if they live in a completely different part of the country than me. It's awesome how God brings people into each others' lives. I went to bed pretty late that night, woke up the next morning ready to conquer the day. Except, it was cold outside. Very cold. That, o' course, meant a deeper intensity of pain for an Ally. The rest of the day was spent going to class with "A," shopping, and visiting a fire station. Yeah...the day as a whole wasn't bad, just had a lot of character to it, I guess you could say. God is faithful, though. And He always brings a new day. That new day was Saturday; a really really good day. The simplicity of spending time merely talking with Aaron was the perfect way to spend the day. His family came later that night (hi to all the members reading this), so most of the remaining part of the day was spent with them. I know some of them are reading this, so I'll just say: I like you guys tons. I'm excited to have you apart of my life, too. Spend the rest of the weekend with most of the Cutshall family was grand. We visiting lake Michigan, went to the mall, sat on some comfy beds in a store, found a confusing mannequin in another store, and had lots of good conversations.
Theeen, goodbyes had to come. I'm convinced that saying goodbye will never come easy for me, no matter how many times I say it. Even knowing I'd see him in nine short days didn't lighten the difficulty of saying goodbye to him. I'm told it won't get easier, too. Which....definitely doesn't help at all. But, eventually.... this chapter will be over, and a new one will begin. Now, all I have to do is continue on reading. < ha. that was good.
Speaking of reading, though, I should get to bed so I can finish reading my study notes before my exam in the morning. Splendid. There is an excitement to it, though: it's my last exam in that class before finals [insert sporadic jumping up and down here].
Bonsoir,
Ally
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