I woke up, again, this morning not realizing that I was engaged. Then I went through the whole process as I have gone through this week: I wake up oblivious, stretch, sit up, think about life circumstances, then glance down at my ring. At this point, it all comes back--I’M GETTING MARRIED! YEAH!
Except, since December 18, my feelings toward being engaged have shifted a little bit. You know how every girl envisions their special day? No, not the wedding. For a girl, the whole time frame between the proposal and the wedding is dubbed the “special day.” The surprise and excitement present upon the proposal, the joy in sharing the excitement with family and friends, then the thrill of being able to detail plans for a beautiful wedding day are all the memories women can’t wait to make.
As a little girl, I envisioned all of this happening myself...I mean, why wouldn’t I? It’s a beautiful thing. But in all those nights I lied awake trying to picture myself getting married, I couldn’t include a element of the package. Quite frankly, I thought I could. I thought I did. But until now, I didn’t realize that it wasn’t until I actually was HERE that I could experience this element of marriage.
Love.
It’s so silly to think I couldn’t know what ‘love’ felt like until now, because I’ve been loved all my life by various family and friends. But I’ve never experienced this type. It’s this special love that God enabled His kiddos to feel with one individual. An individual that He predesigned from the beginning of time to fit His child perfectly. He designed these two people to experience an ability that no other type of relationship could experience: An ability to grow more intimate with Jesus Christ. There are so many things that God created and enables His children to experience so that we might grow closer to Him. Difficult circumstances, relationships with family and friends, interacting with the lost, even just living daily life. But it’s odd. The bond that marriage entails between two people brings an instant new level of intimacy with Christ. If done right, marriage is a tool God designed for a man and woman to learn how to love their Creator more and love themselves less. Marriage is selfless interactions, selfless love, selfless life. It gives worship a whole new name. And it’s beautiful.
So really, that changes my “special day” tremendously. It makes this next 151 days until the wedding much richer than I would think. The excitement that I have for what God has in store to learn is immense. I’m so excited for the growth God’s going to take both Aaron and me through in the next 5 months. It’s going to be intense. Hard? Yes. But extremely good spiritually? Oh yes. My focus just remain on the Cross, not Aaron, not me.
Ah. Let the “day” begin.
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