A Sometimes Moment.....

What would it be like to speak with God face to face? to fully experience His grace and purity? to not only intellectually know, but for every atom of my body to feel that I am redeemed? to have the security in seeing His presence with me? 


Sometimes I just sit here and think about all this. Sometimes I have a hard time feeling God's presence. And sometimes I can't even hear his voice. I want to doubt God sometimes. In fact... I do doubt God sometimes. And in anger and frustration, I even avoid God sometimes. 


Yet I know that my emotions can't define, even refine, truth. Even in these 'sometimes' moments. 


Actually, this is really when God grows me. I mean, I can absorb scripture, obtain a bunch of head knowledge, and know the character of God. But that's pathetic when compared to actually knowing God.  I believe God uses my sometimes to visualize how immense his devotion to me is. I mean.... dude, God sees these roller coaster moments of mine on a pretty predictable basis. 
But, he is still here. He is still pursuing me. 
And... He still loves me. 


I'm going to be honest. I'm definitely in one of my a sometimes moments. The particular theme for this one is God's provision. So, if you're cool and are reading this right now, pray for this? Thanks. :)


Here's some of God's Word to wrap up. 



Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, 
   or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens? 
Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, 
   or weighed the mountains on the scales 
   and the hills in a balance? 
 Who can fathom the Spirit[d] of the LORD, 
   or instruct the LORD as his counselor? 
Whom did the LORD consult to enlighten him, 
   and who taught him the right way? 
Who was it that taught him knowledge, 
   or showed him the path of understanding?


Do you not know? 
   Have you not heard? 
Has it not been told you from the beginning? 
   Have you not understood since the earth was founded? 
He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, 
   and its people are like grasshoppers. 
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, 
   and spreads them out like a tent to live in. 
He brings princes to naught 
   and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing. 
No sooner are they planted, 
   no sooner are they sown, 
   no sooner do they take root in the ground, 
than he blows on them and they wither, 
   and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff.


 “To whom will you compare me? 
   Or who is my equal?” says the Holy One. 
Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: 
   Who created all these? 
He who brings out the starry host one by one 
   and calls forth each of them by name. 
Because of his great power and mighty strength, 
   not one of them is missing.


Why do you complain, Jacob? 
   Why do you say, Israel, 
“My way is hidden from the LORD; 
   my cause is disregarded by my God”? 
Do you not know? 
   Have you not heard? 
The LORD is the everlasting God, 
   the Creator of the ends of the earth. 
He will not grow tired or weary, 
   and his understanding no one can fathom. 
He gives strength to the weary 
   and increases the power of the weak. 
Even youths grow tired and weary, 
   and young men stumble and fall; 
but those who hope in the LORD 
   will renew their strength. 
They will soar on wings like eagles; 
   they will run and not grow weary, 
   they will walk and not be faint.


Isaiah 40:12-14, 21-31