Hey, so I'm sick again. It's nice for the flu to bring itself back for a visit...two days after I got over it. :P 


But God is full of GRACE. And I am a child of grace now. < Praise Him for that. 


Also, I'm a little dopped up on meds right now. So I may read this later and question what I was thinking when I wrote this. Oh well. Life goes on. . .


It's been about two months since school started. I think God's been working on me hardcore. But I've just yet started allowing him to apply what He's been whispering to my heart. It's crazy how much I really don't know about him. I thought that I knew him well. But I wasn't even scratching the surface of who he is. The older I get, the more I realize...dude, I really know nothing. I think I was rather naive when I was younger. I guess when you don't know as much, you are able to walk by faith so much easier. But then I kind of grew up I guess. Got married. Moved away. And it seems like all of a sudden I'm less mature than I once I thought I was. I used to think I was a pretty great person. I thought I knew all the answers, knew all the remedies for pain, knew the Father. 
Honesty, I still want to think I'm a great person. But God sure doesn't. 
I'm not a good person, though. I'm a filthy one. I don't deserve grace. I don't deserve relationships. I don't even deserve life. 
I need the Father. 
I need so much more than I once thought I did. 


Really, I'm a brat. I'm a selfish, conniving, prude. I judge people. I envy people. I push people away. I expect people to want my friendship. 
I'm ridiculous. 


But God, in his grace, doesn't leave me here. 
He is working. He is working. He is working. 
Chiseling. 
Breaking.
Pealing back layers upon layers. 


But he's changing me. Teaching me. Pursuing me. Allowing me to be his. 


Dang dude.