It's Aight

Today is one of those days where I'm left questioning God's timing. I'm sick - again. Which is something anyone would dislike over their spring break. I understand that yes... it does give me time to rest. But who needs rest during a break? Is that not the point of a break in the first place? A time of rest from other things. A break. Right?

Whatever God may perceive my break as, this whole sickness thing has left me with a considerable amount of time to think. Which, right now, is not the greatest thing for me to do. When I think about everything going on, the thyroid, the neck, school, juggling two jobs...

I'm left in a complete-overwhelmed state. I know that despite my fears and questions, He is good. And He continues to sustain and provide. Yet I struggle to trust fully. It's entirely different to have a mind that trusts and to have a heart that trusts. Trust is selfless. Ally is most definitely not selfless. Actually, I'm figuring out that I'm almost everything but selfless.

God is molding me. I know this. Well, I mean... I trust this. <-- See! I have this constant battle going on between my flesh and my heart. My flesh desires everything that gratifies me. My heart yearns for more of everything He is.

You know why it is a constant battle? It's because it's not between my flesh and my heart, it's because it's between my flesh and His holiness. It's between Darkness and Light.

And this is beautiful. Not because I'm immune from blame. But because this battle going on is already completed.

"When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross." (Colossians 2:13-15)

When He was on the cross, those words He spoke were not by mere accident.

"It is finished."

The war between Life and Death is over, finished. And this battle that I fight against my flesh and His being in me is intense. I know that Jesus wins! And that...

wow. That's intense.

So honestly... I have no reason to sit and sulk about a pathetic sickness that resides for a day or two. Tomorrow is a new day. And the battle belongs to the LORD.

Ally