Seriously head; calm down.

So there is a lot on my mind right now. Like a butt load of junk. Ok, not junk.. just.. stuff. I just have this crazy burden for so many things, my mind is all over the place, I'm just in a 
WHOA BRAIN. SLOW DOWN. 
mood. 


So. What's on my mind? Lesse hur.


I've been watching some videos on anorexia today. Heello. Wow, it's just so mind blowing how much sheer pain there is in the world. I see it daily. But I also don't see it as much as I really should, given that people are hurting everywhere. I'd actually like to meet someone who lives a fantastic life, excluded from fighting some type of demon of pain. It just breaks me inside knowing there are so many aching and I'm not bring relief. 
Yesterday. I was driving home from bringing Peter to the Y... and it was raining. Pouring, actually. And there were two people on the side of the highway carrying groceries up the hill, in the pouring rain. I saw them. But I didn't stop. 


See, I say I want to bring relief, but I sit on my butt or keep driving--even when I see those who need help. 


Gah. 


I'm so imperfect. I need to stop striving for perfection. I just need to live by His grace. That's the only thing that is keeping me breathing.. keeping me moving.. keeping me living. 
Man, God. Decrease me. 


So another thing. I need to open my eyeballs up more to things. Like those who are encouraging me, and I'm not noticing it. Or to those who need encouragement, because there is a crap load of them surrounding me. One of the girls in my bible study was a great reminder this week for that. I guess I just fail to see how consumed I am with how imperfect I am and how much I just want to be better and better and better, that I forget that YES I am imperfect. BUT THAT'S WHY I NEED JESUS. And not just need Him, but need Him. My only job, if that's what it is, is to just run to Him and exclaim my intense need for Him. And you know.. He'll do the rest. He DOES do the rest. 
He's in control. 


For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.
1 Corinthians 1:25


^ Remember that, Ally. Be GLAD in that. Be SATISFIED in that. 




Lastly. God is holy. And I am not. My life is but a vapor. I need to stop being happy with the social norm. With comfort. 


Father, help me want you more. Let me be consumed with your fire. 




I think that's enough for tonight. There is so much more going through my thinker still. But I guess for now, sleep is the best solution to all this jumbleness shtuff.


Goodnight world.


Ally