Yup, Definitely Unmotivated.

It's been a while, eh? For some reason, I feel like so much is going on right now. Maybe because there is, or maybe because I'm just kind of energy-less this week so it feels like so much is going on. School is coming to a closing.. only 13 class days left. I get crazy excited when I think about it. I know it's a wise choice to spend this summer pursuing God and not classes. I've been thinking back on this school year, and I've come to the conclusion that the older I get, the busier I become, and the harder it is to focus on God. Maybe that's an obvious discovery. But it just seems so prevalent right now because I'm so intensely busy with... life. I'm finding that I'm not building my day around Jesus but I'm fitting Jesus around my day. I don't like that at all. So how do I change that? 


Focus. Talking with my junior high/high school girls this week, a main thing we discussed was how ritualistic christianity has come to be. It has strayed so far from the intimacy God originally designed in a relationship with us. Why do we focus so much on the things we have to get done for God instead of just enjoying Him? 
I mean, I do it. Sometimes when I send verses out in the morning, I find myself wanting to do just because it's something I do in the morning before I go about the day. Even the things that bless other people, can be a ritual for me. Or vise versa for you... or someone else. It is SO easy. But when I get caught up in the task instead of the Master, then I lose focus. And that's when I start only fitting Jesus into my day, instead of forming my day around Him. 
What's it look like to form my day around Jesus?


I think it's mostly a mindset. A realization that God is with me in everything. A realization that I am representing Him. A realization that I'm pretty helpless apart from Him.
And then, go about the day just enjoying God. Enjoy the simple things about life. The smiles. The laughter. The colors. The people.. Enjoy the fact that God gives strength, peace, joy. That God is changing you daily and that He never leaves you where you are in your struggles. 
And lastly, the more you give to others and ultimately Him, the more you are given to. Maybe not through material things or even through people always. But you will be blessed and encouraged, even when you don't see it coming. Actually, that's usually when God gives to us. So give of yourself. Pour into others, even when you don't receive it back. God knows your heart, and He knows what you need and how to supply. 




Hmm. So forming the day around Jesus. That's one thought.


Another thought I've been processing for a while now is timing. The timing of things in life. How each person's situations differ from others. For some, right now is a time in their life to just live it up. Friends, school, work.. A time of youth and a time to just have fun. Others, it's a time to find love, to raise a family, to pursue a career. Maybe to some, it's a time away. Away from stress and hard things; a time to just recuperate and to find refreshment. A lot of people, me included, it's a time to figure out what to do for the rest of life. To others,   it's a time of great need and hardship. 
So what's up with this? 
I'm surrounded by people all in different stages of life. We all share the same space, like a classroom, a neighborhood, a checkout line. Whatever. But we are so completely different. 


That's one side of timing that I think about. The other side is timing in my life. It seems like there are more things right now that I'm waiting on than there used to be. I'm waiting on school to be over for good. I'm wondering what I should do this summer, kind of pursuing an internship in inner city Omaha blindly. I'm wondering what life will look like a year from now. If God's will and my wants match up. I'm waiting to move out of the house, ready to start another chapter in life. I'm ready to see people I miss. I'm wishing for a specific time when physical pain will end and health issues will be fixed. 


I feel so super selfish to complain about my lack of patience so often. But I still complain, and I still am restless. 


And when I feel restless, that's when I get unmotivated. Which is where I am right now. I should be spending today doing at least something relevant. Even by taking a nap. I should sit down and type up a project summary or make note cards for finals. Or something. But I'm ridiculous. And do nothing but listen to the rain fall and find things to complain about. I need more of Jesus...




So. That's what's going down today. A whole bunch of nothing. I think I'm going to get up and find something to do. Hopefully.
Yeah.


Ally