I'm His 24/7

I realize I just wrote a blog only a few hours ago, but I'm unable to sleep at the moment. I've been reading through some old notes of mine on facebook, and came across one I wrote recently. It's a prayer, actually.. a prayer crying out to God during a moment of waiting on Him. When I wrote it, I remember pretty vividly my emotional state; I was in complete awe and...almost abiding in God's holiness. Is that possible? I think so. I definitely felt like God was with me, holding me. Yet.. at the same exactly moment, I was being blown away at a realization of.. God's set-apartness. So yeah, I definitely think I was doing the whole abiding in God's holiness thing pretty accurately. 


Anyway. My thoughts that night were so anxious. I was awaiting news that I either had cancer or was free of it.. and in that moment, God brought some words to my mind. I wrote them down.. and this is what came out. 


My God.

You are Life. Breath. You are Eternal. Worthy.

And who am I?
Helpless. Doubtful. Mortal and inadequate.
I struggle to invite You in my day,
let alone proclaim Your holiness.

I am needy and hungry. I am empty and broken.
Yet..
Lord, You are Compassion. Devotion. Patience. My Hiding Place. I run to You, and You are Embrace.

Why do I claim Strength?
When I am but a particle of filth.
A shameful creature, devoid of a worth.
My nature, who I am...
Is nothing apart from You.
In Your delight, You call my brokenness good.
Beautiful.
Because it's Your beauty in me.
Me.. I'm but a mere instrument
Crafted for worship.

Why can't I be strength?
Because Strength is incomparable.
Father, You are Set Apart.
Holy.

And I need You..
More than I need security.
More than I need answers.
More than I desire an end to pain.

I just need..
You.

One thing I ask of the Lord,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life.
For in the day of trouble
He will keep me safe in His dwelling.
Psalm 27

And You...Lord, You are Sufficient.

Let this be my outcry.


This makes me wonder, how do I react to hard things? What things do I run to? Cling to? Flee from? 
At that moment, I ran toward Him. I clung to Jesus Christ. I was so saturated in Him that I was content and at rest. 
It just makes me think as I sit here in silence tonight.. Why do I seek Jesus and hunger to be consumed by Him during difficult circumstances? But during the calm times, I so easily begin to rely upon myself and let go of His grip on my hand? Should I not abide in Him all the time? Aren't we supposed to "pray continually" (1 Thess. 5:17)? 
Prayer = talking with God. 
Prayer = a connection with the Maker of this universe.
Prayer = being saturated in Jesus.


That's just a thought I had tonight. Now it's time to jump on my bed. Or something.


NIGHT!


Ally