The Insignificance of Me

Today's a good day. The sun is shining. The temperature is in the 60s. I have nothing to do except enjoy God's beauty all afternoon. I actually think this may be the first day in a while where I have nothing at all planned to do. It's great, folks. I think a good use of my time may be to jot down some registry ideas. My amazing fiance let me add some decorative things to our registries online this week. So. My sister and I spent an entire afternoon looking.... and so far, all we have are pillows, a couple vases and clocks. << Seriously pathetic. I think a fair game plan is to try and add to that today. I love moms who know what/what not to register for. It's like they've done this before or something. I especially love my mom and her help to the wedding planning thus far. She is so supportive and encouraging in the midst of so many details to sort through. I love that woman. And while I'm giving out free compliments, I might as well say how much I appreciate all my bridesmaids in this. They are so chill about her roles in the wedding... and are making the planning process fun and humorous. Arie, my maid of honor, is such a blessing to me. I think of all the people I have to part from in Kirksville after June 11th, and she is the one that I break down over. I praise God for such an incredible, loving, encouraging, funny, beautiful and humble sister. Gah, I'm going to be an emotional mess on the wedding day. Sorry ahead of time for all you who will witness it. 


Last night I had another crazy dream. I seem to be having those a lot lately. I mean, the night before last, I dreamt that Aaron killed someone. (Interpretation please?) My dream last night wasn't as intense, but still thought-provoking. I don't remember the entire storyline, but I do remember talking with an old friend on the phone. Not so odd. She asked what God was teaching me lately. And I couldn't think of something. It was horrible. Humorous thinking about it now, yes. But during the dream, I was horrified. It makes me think, gosh... I never want to be idle in my walk with Christ. I always want to be able to tell someone exactly what God is doing in my life, without having to deeply think about it or even to not know. Moreover, I hate the thought that people may look at the way I live, and not see Jesus. I know that I still have so much pride and arrogance in my heart, even after years of God chiseling it away. But in complete humility, I don't want people to see me. I want them to see Him. Even in my spiritual moments of weakness, that is still my heart's cry. And that means that I need to apologize to anyone reading this who hasn't seen this lived out in my life. I praise God, though, that every day is new with Christ. I can wake up in the morning and know that greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world. And He overcomes my sin giving me a clean slate every day. 


Pray for this with me. Pray that my heart will continue to desire Christ above myself.